A few days ago, my bestie had a breakup. Last night when she called me, she was crying and telling me that, “3 months no contact. I am in a lot of pain. What should I do?”
I felt so bad for her. I also had a heartbreak two years ago. So, I can understand her condition. Then suddenly, I realize that many of you may be in the same situation, and you also have the same question but in different wording.
It’s always hard to have a serious relationship breakup, no matter what age it is. In my opinion, you should not stop your life holding it, and you should move on over time.
The Phases You May Have Been Passing
When you have been out of contact with your partner for a long time, you will naturally go through a mental trauma. Handling the breakup of a serious relationship is actually a very difficult task.
- After waking up every day, you will feel that your partner is no longer in your life. Then you will feel unbearable pain.
- You will feel empty all the time. It’s as if something very important in your life has been lost.
- You can’t pay attention to anything. You will remember the words of your ex again and again.
- Sometimes life will feel unbearable. You will want to scream and cry.
- There will always be a denial. You know you have a breakup, but you don’t want to admit it.
- Any call or text on the phone may actually feel like your ex has made a call/text.
- Every day you will be in this expectation that maybe today he/she will communicate, maybe today you will be patched up.
- It would be annoying to talk to someone else.
- Sometimes you will be so angry that you will want to break everything.
All in all, you feel like your life has come to a standstill, you have nothing else to do in life.
But if it is like this, it is your own loss. The person on the other side may have just moved on, but you’re stuck in this horrible time.
And you can lift yourself out of this situation. You have to move on by yourself.
3 Months No Contact – What Should You Do?
First of all, you have to believe that your relationship is over. As you have 3 months no contact, so there is almost zero possibility of patch up. If your ex wanted to sort things out, he would have contacted you, wouldn’t he?
Don’t tell me you have blocked him or anything else. In today’s life, technology has opened many doors to connect with people. So, if he wanted, he somehow would manage a way to talk to you.
As he didn’t do it, now it’s your turn to face the truth. You have to believe that there is no hope of getting back your ex. It’s totally a waste of time to wait for him.
30 Minutes Technique
Now that you have accepted that, it’s all over; I know you are going through a heart-wrenching situation. To process the whole situation, you have to feel it. You need to spend some time with yourself.
You can try a technique. Every day you will spend 30 minutes with yourself. It can be in the morning, at noon, or night, when it is convenient for you.
You will sit alone in a comfortable place on your porch or in your bedroom. Then think about your feelings, try to understand. You may cry a lot, want to scream or do whatever the mind wants. You are going through an intense ordeal, and there is nothing to deny it.
In this way, when you spend 30 minutes a day with yourself for a month or more, you will see that the intensity of the pain is much less. Now, you can handle your emotions.
Since you have decided to move on, you should stop all communication with your ex now. Block him/her from all kinds of social media.
You may feel very bad; you will miss him even more. Even if you haven’t talked for so long, if you could get all the updates by looking at his posts on social media, you won’t be able to do all this now. But if you know his update, you will not be able to move on.
If you have a common friend, tell them not to tell you anything about your ex. Get completely out of touch with him.
Gifts or Belongings
As you were in a relationship, it is very natural that he has given you different gifts at different times. You may have a lot of things that he used. You just have to get rid of those things. Because whenever you see these things, you will remember your ex.
Many people ask to burn or throw away these gifts or billings. But in my opinion, these should be given to needy people without wasting them. You can put things that are not worth donating in a box in the storeroom or throw away.
The bottom line is that you can’t keep something in front of your eyes that will prevent you from moving on.
Call Your Friends
You will feel very lonely after the breakup. This is exactly the time when you need your friends.
Call your best friend or someone you trust. Share your thoughts with him/her. If you want to cry, you can also cry. Lighten yourself up as long as it takes. If necessary, talk to him/her every day.
When you can share your thoughts with someone, you can move on faster. That person can be your friend, your sister, or your colleague, someone you feel comfortable with.
You have to let all your pain, all your frustration out. Trust me, you will feel better. Just give it a shot.
I know you are going through a lot. But you have to survive this terrible situation. And to manage all these emotional breakouts, you have to love yourself.
Self-love is the best love. When you love yourself, you realize that the most important thing is to be well.
For a man who is no longer in your life, wasting your life is nothing but foolishness. So, this is the time to awaken your love for yourself.
Start taking care of yourself. You should concentrate on skincare, diet if you feel the need, buy clothes of your choice, always try to be tidy. Draw pictures, do gardening, whatever your hobbies are, keep doing them.
Also, you should focus on your career. If a course or training is essential for your job, it’s the right time to do it. Above all, keep yourself busy.
Accept The Reality
I am telling you to do all these things, but only because you can be well; you can move on. Moving on means moving away from that relationship, but not something that will completely forget that person.
Even after so many things, sometimes you may remember your ex. That is the reality, and you have to accept it.
However, after moving on, the intensity of feeling the pain will not be so high. You can easily control your emotions. You can move forward in life by considering it as a normal matter.
Many are seen getting involved in another relationship to moving from one relationship. This is a big mistake. You can never be happy in a relationship unless you have completely moved on from the previous relationship.
If you start dating someone new to forget your ex, you will find that you are looking for the same old person in your new boyfriend/girlfriend.
There will be many issues as to why the current boyfriend/girlfriend is not caring for you like the previous one and why he/she doesn’t have the same understanding as your ex had. As a result, your new relationship will also be ruined.
You will definitely go into a new relationship, but only when you are completely away from your ex. When you really love someone new, it’s time to move on to a new relationship.
But if you fall in love with someone else right after your break up, he or she may be able to help you move on. But in this case, you have to be sure about your feelings first.
I know, 3 months no contact is so painful, but life never stops for anyone, right?
As I told my bestie, I’m telling you, move on, guys. The end of a relationship does not mean the end of a whole life.
Maybe someone will take less time, maybe someone will take more, but if you try, you will be able to move on at one point.